Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Fair Viewings

I went to the fair. Oh, the horror, the horror. I went to the fair thinking that I was some version of normal. I stood in line at a concession stand, walked through the animal barns, and some where along the way my senses flashed I'm the one that's out there.

Fair thoughts inspired by fair viewings:

1. I know it's the fair which should be my annual indulgence, but I'm slightly repelled by the visuals. Diet matters- care about what you eat. Processed foods and high fructose beverages will kill you or make you really fat. Besides, tea, coffee, water, and beer just taste better and only one of them has any calories and the caffeine is optional. There are no short cuts to real food. You have to shop, chop, and cook. Eating processed food makes me feel terrible, unhealthy, if you don't regularly eat it. Deep fried Oreos will kill you if the funnel cake doesn't. Try eating real food for a month and then eat a highly processed meal, boom, it's like drinking the bird and barfing your brains out, you won't go back.

2. You'll have more respect for yourself if you focus on showing off your wit, brains, humor,  dance moves, something besides skin please. Clothes should cover your hind end- no one really wants to see your fleshy thighs, protruding abs, or hairy or hairless chest. Keep that covered please! There are plenty of offerings at Goodwill if budget is your issue. With a needle and thread its possible to even get creative with your wardrobe and from what I can see, it's worth a try. Anyone not in that category may want to consider donating excess wardrobe items to Goodwill soon- remember feel the joy.

3. Motor cross is still driving around in a circle.

4. Blue hair, pink hair, I kinda like it, has a cartoonish effect. I think superhero. Got any lines for this? Look at me! I'm cool, pass the cotton candy. 

5. All the rides are really some verizon of spin and puke. It's all a secret test for flight school. Hello Navy recruiter!

6. The animals are beautiful, they are brushed, groomed, walked, loved. Why do we eat them? Oh, they taste good and those plastic packages are quite harmless looking. "Thank you People's Bank for buying..." Oh dear, where is Charlotte when you need her?