Sunday, May 23, 2010

Good enough

I don't think I had any thoughts whether deep or shallow today. This blog is an effort to record them with a hope that reality does not demonstrate this particular point. It was quiet, lots of rain. The kids drew some pictures and watched a lot of "Speedy Gonzalez." I made guacamole for dinner (my husband is away). It's quiet without him, but I don't mind it for a little while. A friend brought over extra cupcakes; she made- one for each of us- whipped cream with M&Ms and sprinkles on top. Made me happy I have kids- I get to eat kid food and watch cartoons which was a pretty good point in my life once upon a time so I don't mind revisiting. But still it got me thinking about gifts.

I was thinking about how when we help each other it is such a gift. Sometimes I find a small way to help someone- I offered to help my friend  sell his car by posting an email, I offered to help a student when she goes to the States to study in August- but really they are very small things. I was thinking about how do I do bigger things, but that makes me feel wobbly like I can't do that. I guess I just help in small ways and for now that is enough.

My husband tells me that you only have to be a "good enough mama" which means not the best mama just good enough. I like that because there is a lot of wiggle room to recover from errors like yelling at the kids when they are day dreaming instead of getting dressed (fill in every basic task of the day here). Good enough. What makes it good enough? If things move in a positive direction even a little. Is that enough? I want to make everything better, but sometimes I am lucky when things are just good enough. These big dreams seem a distraction from the moment at hand, the person underfoot. I can get so caught up in being on another plane and then break a glass straw whacking the table because no one is eating! Egads! I think I had best stick to good enough and the little things- learn to trust that those ripples go out in their own way to touch and change other things & hope its not the broken glass ones coming back to me.