Showing posts with label Book or Film. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Book or Film. Show all posts

Sunday, January 8, 2017

Lala Leaps

Over drinks, I grumped with a friend about a book I was struggling to read from our book group. Ugh was my general feeling a few pages in. The writer is one of those storytellers that engages millions but not me so when my friend concurred, I was relieved and surprised. Turns out that having just gotten through the holidays (ancient alien practices of hometowns and family), we agreed that we prefer avoiding that reality stuff in books and movies. Instead we prefer more upbeat stories which in the moment felt true, though I do love "Silence of the Lambs," "Delicatessen," "Die Hard," and "Pulp Fiction," now that I think about it. The tenor of our conversation led my friend to recommend "Lala Land" and "Whiplash." The next day another friend texted an invite to see "Lala Land." "Sure, I hear it's a positive, upbeat film!"

"Lala Land" is in a genre I rarely watch, a musical. I got dizzy or seasick or something with the camera work zooming around to give the lay of the land in the opening bridge scene. It happens a few more times too- pool party scene, etc., but mostly I liked the fresh twist on  romance until the abrupt halt. The ending gutted me. My friend headed off to the bathroom as I sat watching the credits in some version of stupification.

We reunited in the lobby. "I can't believe that was the ending."
""What did you want, the alternate reality version?"
"No, that's not it. I just didn't like it," I replied defensively.
My friend holds open the glass door and as I cross the threshold and says, "It just shows that one of them would have had to give up their dream if they stayed together."

Bam. That's why I hated the ending- too much like reality.

I want movies for romance, adventure, heroines and heroes. Of course those movies are kinda boring after you've watch a hundred of them. Or not. What the heck is with all the remakes? Safe bets. People watch them. Some don't even get released to theaters, straight to the rental/download market. Anyway, no one in film school aspires to write the formula stuff that we like or at least watch more than we admit. The Hangover 3? Star Wars
75?

There are choices to be made in life as in art, and most of us opt for the safe ones.

The universe is priming me to do something outside my comfort zone, something arty, creative. Uncomfortable. I want to do something that makes me uncomfortable in 2017, a lala leap, a dream.

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Get busy

"Do you ever think about dying?" a friend asked today which stands in contrast to recent thanksgiving holiday conversation spent chatting about martinis and dead plants. Yes, I'm aware that we're all going to die sometime sooner than we'd like; however, I'm not as worried about dying as I am about living.

I once had a bucket list in my early twenties. In making it I realized I was better off tossing the list for some deep work on a few things. 

In the movies the villains are identified by their lack of humanity and self-serving ways; they don't need much. Villains roam about alone with every pleasure met and in command, until they are not. Life too tends to celebrates aloofness and the fruits of self-control from graduation to promotion to physical commitments. It's easy to forget that the self-serving ways and lack of humanity toward others is what does in the bad guys. That and stagnation, the refusal to grow or change. 

"Get busy living or get busy dying," said someone, Red I think, in "Shawshank Redemption." The world shakes you up, swishes you around, and spits you out. It should change something in you or at least make you want to hang on to whoever's next to you. If you keep pulling back from others, letting go, you might be busy dying. If your hands are full from encouraging and holding others, well, you might just be busy living. I aim to live like I might die in the sense that I need to be kinder, softer, and more, well, more connected. 

Connection interests me because it's at the heart of community, vitality, and it relies upon openness, trust, and an inner resilience that springs from a faith in fellow beings as helpers, encouragers, and as vectors of good. Connection is hard, it can hurt. It's scary because it makes you vulnerable, but shutting yourself off doesn't work so great either. We don't always get to be givers. Sometimes we have to receive. Ask for help. If this feels hard, then this definitely applies to you. If you're of the opposite camp, always in need of help, go help someone else.

That crack in your heart that we are all so busy protecting, yeah, somebody is going to jump on that, let it be a springboard to something good instead of a pit into a vast darkness. Death isn't exactly waiting for you to eat the salmon mousse. A little sunshine, some patience, some quiet time- ask someone to rub your feet, you'll be just fine and better for asking for it or for giving it, just get busy, living. 


Sunday, August 23, 2015

Movie Ratings for Immature Audiences

"Did you check the rating?" asks my kid. We're at the movies to see Mr. Holmes (2015). "Yes," I assure him though I've only just checked a moment before. A few days prior I had been caught off guard when a parent sent me a link to all of the offensive moments in a film I planned to take three elementary students to see. It was a Science on Screen Athena Cinema event with a lecture from a naturalist and birder from the co-founder of the Ohio Bluebird Society and conservation education co-ordinator from the Athens Soil and Water Conservation District, followed by a film.

Summer brought hummingbirds and interest in identifying birds so a lecture and movie about bird watching seemed like a great transition for the first day of school. Ratings schmatings.

Yeah, I know about Common Sense Media. I just keep forgetting to check every single thing I expose my children to let alone what they expose themselves to when not even trying. Besides, my own childhood memories of horror scenes cured me of all desire to watch that genre and has saved me from countless hours of tedious movie watching. Profanity, sex, nudity, violence, and gore are not easily avoided whatever medium viewed. It generally does help to consider offensive things through the context of the story. Stories all about shlock and violence do nothing, but take a story that moves through them and goes somewhere else like The Silence of the Lambs (1991), and it becomes something powerful and worthwhile, but not for kiddos. Navigating ratings and stories with childrearing requires an appreciation for individual differences even at the same age.

One child hides their face during a kissing scene in practically every movie, the other watches. One child asks to read a book that another refuses. Kids know when they are ready, especially if you talk to them about what they are reading and what your concerns are. I may rely too much on trusting my children to talk about disturbing scenes and issues, but it hones the ability to talk about uncomfortable subjects.

"The movie may contain some profanity and nudity," I say to the three kiddos sitting around the kitchen table eating cheese rice. "What's profanity," asks the guest child. I look at their faces wondering if my own children will answer the question. Everyone is looking at me. No one appears to know the what profanity means. "Words you may know as cuss or curse words," I say. They all nod in understanding. They've learned a new vocabulary word, I think to myself. "Well, any questions," I ask. The kids are back to eating cheese rice. "You can always close your eyes if something makes you uncomfortable in the story or ask your parents if you have any questions. Remember things that are part of telling a story are there because they mean something to the storyteller," I rattle. The talk turns to other things. I extract myself from the conversation, feeling that enough has been said.

My fav example of the say less approach of parenthood happened years ago when from the rear car seats one child, out of the blue, says, "Aunt X is married to a girl." I look up and into the mirror to see the faces in the backseat. They are both looking out the windows. "Yes. Some women are married to women and some are married to men," I say with more nonchalance than I feel. I guess I expected some grilling that never came. I held my tongue in truth because I didn't know what else to say, but in holding my tongue I realized, they had all the information they wanted.  Kids will ask more questions when they want to know more. I've been a fan ever since.

One kiddo ducked, as usual, at the sight of an on screen kiss, but we all enjoyed the A Birder's Guide to Everything (2013) even with the offensive moments and PG-13 rating because the story worked and it made us laugh.

Friday, March 27, 2015

A Lesson from Marie Howe

A few months ago while ambling along the Hocking River, a voice rich with wisdom came through my headset via a podcast. In hopes of divining further truths, I listened to it again and again. The voice belongs to Marie Howe, the poet, who happens to be at the Spring Lit Fest at Ohio University

Howe's podcast talk of poetry akin to spells got to that funny place inside me where light can penetrate undiscovered territory. Oo oo, I thought when Howe said, "... we all need to walk around with, a handful of counter spells, you know. And, and poetry, when you think of its roots, you know, is that." I bought her book The Kingdom of Ordinary Time so I could sit with her words on my search for counter spells.

Howe read her own poetry on opening night, but I had missed it so I hustled to Alden Library for her talk- in case you noted a black blur streaking up East State Street. Except she wasn't first so I was alright, and Brian Doyle was wonderful, but I'll save that thought for another time. 

This day Marie Howe read others' poems. Then she talked us through the fine words and quiet spaces found within those poems. She told us that poetry holds a silence at the center of it, "the what that cannot be said or reduced." (No wonder I can't write a poem!)

Then, Howe gave us a writing assignment. She asked us to contradict ourselve, to force ourselves from where we want to go. This was Howe's writing prompt "I did not know...."

Here goes...

The Man Who Could Not Hug

When it came to choosing a career, I wanted to do something real, that was action oriented, and that could be done in a variety of settings. I  became a nurse. However, I did not anticipate that I would watch the dying or listen to others' pain, nor did I imagine the hands I would hold or the old skin I would polish until it gleamed. Sometimes things smelled awful, but still it was a job made of moments tangible with presence, the real stuff I had sought and more.

Now I sit here with words. Words do not smell or weigh of anything and yet with words I am in a hospital room where a man’s blood pours out, gushes like a spring river, from every cavity. The smell of lead or maybe something dying permeates the moment in my memory. The rustle of blue plastic pads and the hum of fluorescent lights throb in my brain. The sounds are punctuated by a vision of hands and arms that disappear into the deep cavities of a man's body.

Someone at every limb pours something into him though his insides seem to be coming out faster than we can pour it back. The team presses on, there are bags and bags of fluids, blood, fresh frozen plasma, staff replacements rotate in, we can keep this up seems to murmur in the energy of the room. 

In my memory, there are ten of us to the one of him. The senior nurse encourages me, "We can do this." She must see the doubt in my face. I nod my head unsure, but keep my eyes on my hands, my work. I have never seen anything like this. I will never again because before long I will choose other work, but in that moment I am appalled at how close to the edge we are with this man's life going out of him like a waterfall.

We fight, each on our front, with his body at the center in hopes of restoring him, of calling him back. Our weapons of choice are blood, fluids, and medicines. It goes on and on for hours. When I leave at day’s end, the floor is littered with empty plastic bags.

About a year later, I am floated to the Surgical Trauma Unit on the day shift a few days before I will be moving across the country. That afternoon, a man with no arms walks into the floor, to say hello to a place he can’t quite recall, but his family can.  He has come back to see the place that saved him, I think.

Only it never works quite like that.

As a crowd of nurses, residents, doctors, and other staff spontaneously gathered around him, I remember wondering, What will he say? Maybe he'll thank us for our hard work. Only a few patients returned to the units when I worked there.

This man who had lost his arms, to his shoulders from an injury that had brought him to us, said this gem, “I miss being able to hug someone. I didn’t know how important that was when I had arms, but now that I can’t, I know it is the greatest thing I’ve lost.”

I turn and walk away so I could stuff my heart back down into my stomach, or under it, or wherever the hell it is supposed to go or stay.

I keep going back to that wretched moment where I turned and walked away from that man and the group surrounding him, too much pain. See, I’m that weepy soul that cries over every little thing if I don’t keep a collar on it- I pull, it tugs, shimmies, and morphs as if Houdini so I tookoff in part to avoid spilling tears at work.

Howe's prompt, "I did not know," however, flipped me to this story that I keep telling, the story of the man who could not hug, because it touches regret and lost chances. I see now that through the pain lies the path to what is important. It hurts because it matters. My stuffed downed regrets lead me back like the trail of moonstones that Hansel left in the woods. Pains linger and remind me that they must be faced before they can truly be put to rest.

When you fear giving a hug consider the idea of not being able to give a hug.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Spring Lit Fest Stops My Heart

I walked home in a drizzle with my lit fest friend filled with a sense of hope after listening to the voracious drawl of Dorothy Allison tell us things about writing and being a writer like, " My moma loved terrible books. She consumed them like candy." She told us the airplane version of why she became a writer, "My career as a waitress wasn't going that well."

Allison went on to say, "Why am I a writer? Because I have a debt. Because a book saved my life." She followed this with a quote from Nabokov about wanting to write to produce, "that little sob in the spine of the artist/reader." My heart quivered with recognition as I thought, Oh yes, that's a worthy place to aim for. Then Allison said, "Fuck that. I want to stop your heart." 

I left with a book or two to read,  hoping my heart will stop.


Monday, January 5, 2015

Making Ramen Noodles

It took the new year and several days off to chill for motivation to spike for an all out ramen fest. We used the recipes from the Ivan Ramen cookbook (they work great!) and enjoyed the feast.

Ramen refers to the noodles and soup which in our case was a triple broth mixture including chicken stock, pork stock, and dashi. We purchased back up frozen noodles from the nearby Asian store. My honey bunny did most of the work as he made the roast pork, stocks, menma (bamboo), and sofrito. I made the noodles, steam buns, and assisted with the dashi.

The ramen noodles were made using my kitchen aid mixer with a pasta attachment. These were the first try of Ivan's Toasted Rye Noodles.

Ivan's Toasted Rye Noodles

75 grams of Rye Flour
620 grams high protein bread flour
300 grams cake flour
10 grams Kansui powder (bake baking soda at 275ºF x 1 hour)
430 milliliters cool water
13 grams salt
Cornstarch as needed

1. Bake the baking soda x 275ºF x 1 hour. Cool.

2. Toast the Rye flour in pan over medium heat about 4 minutes, until you can smell the aroma. Use 70 GRAMS in the recipe.

3. Mix water, salt, and kansui until fully dissolved.

4. In the bowl of a stand mixer with a dough hook attachment, combine flours and add water mix. Mix for 10 minutes-- add a spoonful of water if it isn't coming together. It will be on the dry side. Dough should form into a ball of sorts. Cover the dough and allow to rest for 30 minutes.

5. Flatten dough into pieces and cover with a damp cloth.

6. Set up your pasta machine and adjust for largest size. Pass piece of dough through, fold onto self making a double sheet, run through thinner setting, and repeat for the thinnest setting. Run through 4th time without double sheeting for the thinnest you can get them. Set aside and repeat with the remaining pieces of dough.

7. Pass thin dough sheets through a cutter or cut by hand. As you work, toss the noodles with a little cornstarch to keep them from sticking together, shake off excess before cooking. Store the noodles in a container wrapped tightly with plastic (or individual portions in ziplock bags) for up to a day.

8. Cook in boiling water for about 50 seconds (varies with water and flour used). Drain. Place into bowl of hot soup broth. Garnish.


Making ramen noodles

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Birdman and Opening Night

John Cassavetes' film Opening Night (1977) has the actress Gina Rowland stumbling drunk behind the stage in the days leading up to opening night for a play on aging. Haunted by a tragically killed fan, a younger woman, she fights by day with both the ghost and the play write, an older woman. Blind drunk, she pulls off the performance of her life just in time to open the play.

Birdman or The Unexpected Virtue Of Ignorance (2014) echoes a similar structure with a mysterious superhero alter ego levitating about in his head is funnier and seems a fitting alter ego for Michael Keaton's Batman fame.  Edward Norton is brought in to save the play when another actor departs, but he proves to be difficult on set and full of himself while also making him kind of fun and funny. Emma Stone, the daughter that gets no daddy time, is recently out of rehab and crackles with a wisdom that eventually even her dad notices. Sparks surprisingly fly between Norton and Stone as he seeks her attention.

I'm not sure if Birdman is channeling Opening Night, but for me the similar territory of opening on Broadway pulls them together, with Birdman being a bit more quirky and fun.


Thursday, October 16, 2014

Film Food for Thought

I happily indulged in brain food last night which was particularly refreshing after having spent time with a loved one at the hospital. It is also soul food without the sauce. It's the kind you internalize, turn over in your mind, and think upon when you are driving down a long stretch of highway.

Julian Doyle, Editor, Director, and Friend of the College Town Film Festival, brought The Life of Brian (1979) to the Athena Theater last night. He talked about how Monty Python took a serious book, the bible, and looked for the comedy in it. Professor Steve Hays encouraged the audience to wrestle with different ways of seeing as a way to develop critical thinking skills. Reverend Rob Martin  brought insight into the movie and bible stories with commentary including what did happen to the leper who was cured and thus out of a livelihood?

Nourishment awaits you, three more days of the film fest. Get online, check out the schedule. You need it.

Photo credit: John Paul Sullivan

CTFF OU Schedule



Friday, October 10, 2014

Bathroom Stall Adventures

Last year for the College Town Film Festival I connected a visiting artist with an Ohio University professor. The artist, a writer with a film made about her,  was to visit the professor's class. However, she had a bout of self-doubt, "I'm not a college graduate so why should I talk to college students in an English course?" She hid in the bathroom.

That bathroom happened to be in the English building, Ellis Hall, the home of the "feminist bathroom." After reading the many supportive messages inked onto the stall walls, she went to the class and confessed what had happened. The class then took a field trip to see the bathroom wisdoms for themselves.

This year in support of the College Town Film Festival, coming October 15-18, I was dropping off materials in Ellis Hall when I found myself (unaware of where I had stumbled) in the said bathroom. My stall alerted me to check out the Sexual Assault Prevention (SAP) program across the road in the McKee House. One of the films coming on Friday, October 17 at 7:00 pm at the Athena, is "How to Loose Your Virginity," so SAP seemed like a good place to drop off a few programs.

from the Feminist Stall in Ellis Hall at OU

I trekked over, passed out a few programs, and learned all kinds of interesting things. I asked how the center was funded. It is through a grant which was applied for, "about five years ago." I applaud OU for having someone (Susanne Dietzel was mentioned) put this kind of resource into place as it shows forward thinking considering the press on sexual assaults on campuses nationwide. This afternoon, I'm headed to the Fuck Rpe Culture rally (4:00 pm Jeff Hill).  If the name of the group offends you, read this. 

Graffiti is where the disenfranchised can find a voice. If a mark on the wall of a stall can make a positive difference, I bet you can too.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Ohio Winner of Healthy Lunchtime Challenge

Abby Cornwell, winner of Michelle Obama's Healthy Lunchtime Challenge for Ohio, has just returned from Washington, DC, where she attended the 2014 Kid's State Dinner at the White House. Her winning entrée was Sunrise Tuscan Chicken.  There will likely be other events and opportunities that come her way. Abby told me that a guest celebrity chef from Ohio may visit her school, East Elementary, later this year!

This is a clip of our meeting about her participation in the event. A big thanks to Abby's mom, Jenny Messina,  for hosting and to Sam Girton for recording the video. It was edited by a newbie, yours truly.



Abby has been interviewed a few times in recent days:

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Crispy Kosher Dill Pickles

This recipe is based on the Bell Blue Book recipe but it does use less sugar. Do follow proper canning procedures and review a resource if you're new to canning or it's been a while. These pickles are great on burgers, as a side, and can be eaten the next day, but the point of making them is to put them up for later. 

I'm slowly learning how much to make of things in terms of a year's supply now that I have a basement. Pickles are best made with fairly small cucumbers, about 4 to 6-inches long. This size cucumbers can easily be found at farmers markets, roadside stands, and produce auctions. If you take up pickling to any degree, you'll likely find the best deals come from either your own garden or a produce auction. However, I did get this peck (a big box with a handle) at the Athens Farmers Market.


Crispy Kosher Dill Pickles

Yields 3 quarts.

Useful Equipment
Quart jars with lids and bands for pickling
Water bath Pot for canning + canning equipment

Ingredients
  • Cucumbers, 4 to 6-inches, 1 peck, wash, cut in half or quarters lengthwise (depending on size)
  • Water, 1 quart (4 cups)
  • White Vinegar, 1 quart (4 cups)
  • Sugar, 1/2 cup
  • Pickling Salt, 1/2 cup
  • Pickling Spice Mix, 1 Tbsp per pint jar
  • Dill head, 1 per jar
  • Bay Leaf, 1 per jar 
  • Ball Pickle Crisp, 1/4 tsp per quart jar
  • Clove of Garlic, 1 per jar (optional)
  • Dried Chili Pepper, 1 per jar (optional)
Directions
  1. Wash and clean jars and lids. Use new lids. Reuse bands.
  2. Heat jars in oven to 250ºF for 30 minutes.
  3. Bring lids to simmer in pot on the stove.
  4. Over low flame, heat pot for water bath with lid while preparing the pickles.
  5. Rinse, drain, and cut cucumbers.
  6. Add spice mix, dill head, bay leaf, pickle crisp, garlic clove (if using), and chili pepper (if using) to each jar.
  7. Bring pickling juice ingredients: water, vinegar, sugar, and pickling salt to boil over medium heat, stir until sugar and salt dissolve. Pour hot liquid into the jars over the cucumbers and spices. 
  8. Wipe rims with a clean damp cloth.
  9. Place lid.
  10. Seal with band to finger tight (just tight).
  11. Place jars into water bath and bring to boil. Start processing time from when it begins to boil, process for 15 minutes.
  12. Check seals. Anything that doesn’t seal, store in fridge and use within the week.
  13. Label jars.
  14. Use within a year

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Film Cameo

I auditioned for a film role under duress. Though I did not get the role, I found the experience to be revelatory. I thought acting was about the desire for attention. However, in facing my fear that others would be looking at me,  I, instead, found myself tapping into an inner space that I didn't even know existed. The emotional flow felt amazing as it came out in the scene!

My friend, the film director Pearl Gluck, later came back and told me that she had several people unfamiliar with the players look at the screen tests. She said (flattery to ensue) that several of the unknown people mentioned my screen test. Though it was clear I was not a trained actress (the role went to a trained actress), she wanted me to do a cameo in the film. She then secured the deal by telling me that I could write my own dialogue. That lured me right over the edge of safety.

Last night I went to the film set of The Turn Out at eight in the evening. I left at three thirty in the morning, all for my brief appearance.

Despite having written the lines, though she did change the name of the role, I could barely remember the story I had concocted for myself, despite frequent re-readings, with my internal panic and all of the people looking at me. I can't imagine how the scene will appear on the screen. It was so intimidating to muster that inner emotional flow in front of a group of actors and the film crew. I did what I could do. I'm grateful and happy to have played a part in bringing my friend's story to the screen, but don't expect to see me in another role anytime soon. It's like messing with crazy power, and I'm not sure I want to know what is in the genie's bottle.

Stay tuned, there is a movie coming out of Athens at the end of summer. I keep learning again and again that art is vital to the human experience-- make some, see some, support some. Thank you for the opportunity Pearl!




Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Praising Nothing, Wasting Time

I take my clothes off and put them directly into the washing machine. As I parade through the house from the laundry to my room, I think about the steps I'm saving-- instead of placing dirty clothes into the hamper, sorting the laundry into piles, and then stuffing it into the washer, I'm done.

As usual, I've got it all wrong. I think I'm saving time. Then I read In Praise of Nothing: Essays, Memoir, Experiments by Eric LeMay which reminds me that to save time, I should try doing something boring like watching rocks.

Shifting how you experience time requires drastic action. Think about it. We're all sucking the marrow from the bone of summer, busy as bees, which differs little from the bootstrapping we do the rest of the year. Summer vacation begins in earnest with trips and camp which after a while don't differ so much from the usual routines.

Slow down, hit a speed bump, slam on the brakes, jump off the crazy train.

I'm my own worst taskmaster. I like working, and I bet others do too. However, working all of the time around the clock depletes the best of us. It makes sense that to reset the clock, we need to dwell at a slower pace, such as watching webcams of grass blades waving in the wind as Eric recommendeds.

Facebook photos of beach vacations-- crawling in the surf, toes in the sand, and smiles with large sunglasses-- populate my newsfeed. We think we're relaxing, and, maybe we are, but I keep thinking of the work to get there-- planning the trip, packing the bags, and then the driving. Then once you're there, there is food to procure, bad kitchen gear to use, mediocre restaurants to suss out, and all of that beach paraphernalia to haul back and forth. I'm not sure that it really is a break.

A better way? Consider staying home. After all, the best bed I've ever slept on is there. The food thing is fairly routine and reasonably healthy. I can lay about and read all the books I want without applying sunscreen. Toss the summer checklist of things to do-- go to the pool, make ice cream, eat shaved ice, harvest garden produce, etc. We've got summer vacation all wrong.

Fill a cooler with a favorite beverage and ice, put on a swimsuit, layout by a water sprinkler, and see how many hours you can lie in the hot sun without doing a damned thing. Reading or listening to tunes is allowed. Then, sit on the deck, as if it were a cruise ship, and watch the birds. Maybe walk into town and knock back a pint, in the middle of the day to avoid running into people you know, as if it were a foreign port call. Walk home. Go inside, eat, take a hot bath, put on your pajamas, and then repeat until you can't take it anymore.

Get back to wasting time. You might find that you have more to waste, if you do it right.


Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Auditioning for a Film

"There's the great 'once upon a time,' which is a marker. It says this is not the here and now. You can let your imagination run wild. You can go in places that you'd be scared to go otherwise. You can say things that you're afraid to talk about." 
--Maria Tatar, On Being, The Great Cauldron of Story: Why Fairy Tales are for Adults Again


A friend asked me to audition for a role in her film. I dismissed it thinking that she could not possibly want me to do it. I had offered to help with some of the producing tidbits. Following up with a needed detail, she reminded me of the audition time. "I thought you were kidding," I stated. "No, I want you to read for the part, you'll be one of three." Click, suddenly it was real. I got off the phone and realized that panic was alive and well in my body. Why would she want me to do it? I felt sick. My husband comforted me with his usual nonchalance, "We all act," that both surprised me and made me wonder, about him. 

Last fall, I remember seeing a clip that Julian Doyle brought to the College Town Film Festival of a actress' first read, followed by subsequent readings, and then the final performance in the film. It was used as a reference for his lecture to film students. I'm not a film student, I brought the pizza. However, the evolution of a performer from a reading to the final take stuck with me. I have never been in a play, drama club, nor have I any secret longings to be onstage, but I am writing a screenplay which is going nowhere fast.

Moving the action past happy people doing happy things is difficult. Understanding how to break the story into subplots, dramatic action, using irony evade me. I was advised to kill off someone. I struggle to create hate and discontent on the page. I also keep changing themes and main characters and everything ends shortly after it begins. I waddle around the dialogue and then abandon it. I'm on concept fourteen. It is all very frustrating. I need to hogtie myself to a topic and wrestle with it for a several weeks. I also need to exercise daily, read nightly, and do more pilates and mediation, but I digress.

I went to the audition. I signed in and picked up the part I was asked to read. I figured I owed an artist the opportunity to turn me down instead of doing it for her. 

I sat down in the plastic chair in the hallway that faced the closed door. I stared at the dialogue and wished I had a highlighter so I could more easily note the parts where I was supposed to read.  Though I had read the entire screenplay and knew the story arc, memorizing lines is not something I do well. I get song lyrics wrong singing along to my iPod, all the time. I missed a few cues during the reading as other actors patiently waited for my lines.

Truth is, in the moment I am less terrified than just before and right after I do something uncomfortable. I went into the room to read for the part wanting to give it my best shot. Feelings flooded into me. I was angry at the man before me who had left drugs in our home which our kid had found and used. I was sick and fueled with anger as if a tapped were turned on. Suddenly, I knew I wanted the part. The director gave me some direction. I had loved this man since I was sixteen, we had built a good life together from nothing, and then he had messed with drugs and screwed up everything. I was engulfed with fear, love, hate, and it was all swirling about me. I didn't get the part, but in the moment, ooh. It might be time to dust off that screenplay idea again, there is a story teller waiting to get out.

Do something different that sets your senses off, you might like it.



Sunday, May 25, 2014

When Every Child Matters in Public Education

We're only as strong as our weakest link, but we spend a great deal of time building perimeters and excluding the unfit, less fashionable, not as brilliant, and difficult to manage, shuffling the problem to elsewhere, and no one really wants to be in elsewhere. Even those who start out with the best intentions can slide down the slippery slope when dealing with difficult people or problems especially when in search of clear cut solutions.

Life prefers the colorful overlapping abundance of the murky state; think about the rain forest with life thriving in its various levels or muddy water swirling about. It's hard to understand what is in play until we separate the parts, but then we only have the parts. When we keep pulling out and pulling away from each other, it weakens the overall fabric of our communities. We need to be clear that the goal of public education is to educate all children, even the least of us.

I live in a community that, perhaps like yours, faces a public school budget deficit. What to cut? Where to go? Can we turn a problem, budget shortfall, into an asset? How do we teach children to love learning and to be engaged in the learning process with limited financial resources? People are working on this, as I'm sure they do in your community, but the problem is ongoing, continual, and it has no easy answers. Except that we want easy answers which can stir up the issues of exclusion or firm lines, a slippery slope that serves no one when every child matters.

We embrace concepts like three strikes and you're out or zero tolerance because surely if we punish the bad guys, they'll stop misbehaving. You might note that these kinds of rules are being rolled back and, if you like, you can read more about why in David and Goliath by Malcolm Gladwell for one version. The problem is school systems, teachers, and parents frustrated by behavior or difficult kids wish they would just go away. These black and white limits continue to be used, despite their failures.

Kids get sent home for behaviors that reinforces to the child that they aren't good enough, that internalizes shame, and that don't motivate a child to engage or participate in a more positive way with the system. The strikes backfire because the negative reinforcement teaches children to give up and to not care. This doesn't solve the behavioral problems, it compounds them.

In recent years, we've drifted toward testing to the extent that teachers send home flyers and notes telling parents how to prepare students for tests-- giving them practice tests to do at home, ensuring a good night's rest, not assigning homework during the testing period, and by asking parents to supply sundry items to reward the students with post exam parties. You can tell me all you want that the tests aren't the priorities, but children are learning something else with these actions and rewards. 

Focusing on even good test results doesn't mean that a child has learned something. 

A grade can be the result of memorization skills and drilling. Here's an example. I asked my child's teacher to consider revising the spelling list (for next year) to not include so many spelling rules in the same list, to regroup them in a more meaningful way, to put the focus on learning the most common way to learn to spell a sound first and them to move toward the least common. Putting five ways to spell the same sound on one spelling list in a week requires memorizing and not learning how to spell new words.

Though the response did include an agreement to consider the list revision, it came with the comment that the other children (at my child's school) didn't need to learn this way because their test results were fine. In another school, she had revised the spelling lists because the children couldn't pass the spelling tests. Can I just point out that the focus on the test result doesn't mean that the children have learned how to spell the "n" sound in any random word they are trying to write?

In one school, I bet more parents ensure that the children practice their spelling words. Learning five spellings of the same sound in five days is really about either previous experience, exposure, or rote memorization. However, probability is a great way to approach spelling new words, and who doesn't need some hard and fast rules for spelling? Spelling probability (see pdf at bottom) is stuff like when you hear the "n" sound, go with the letter "n" first and then consider "kn" or "gn" in that order of usage. It was a revelation to me to hear someone teach spelling from this perspective.  

Continually revisiting the learning process, tweaking our methods and evaluations, and holding ourselves as a community to be accountable to both our weakest and our strongest minds is needed to serve children in a learning environment. We might vaguely agree that zero tolerance doesn't work and that testing isn't they key, but we must also guard against the slippery slope of thinking we have it all figured out, that it is clear and easy.  When kids without parental involvement are written off as worthless or lost, and kids with parental involvement are held up as paragons of learning, it's easy to get confused that test results equal learning. However, we're getting away from the learning process which gives every child the tools to excel.

Collaboration and communication across disciplines is tough in the silo town of ideas. When school is interesting, kids pay attention. When the focus is on the learning process, not testing, in the ways we reward teachers, students, parents, and administrators, then all can learn at the level to which they work. All have to chance to access the joy and skills of learning which are essential to instill.

There is a need for coaching for positive behaviors and using precise language when working with each other. I sense we misunderstand positive reinforcement which is about focusing on what we do well and not on fake or false validation. A kid can smell an emotional swindle a mile away. Positive reinforcement works when it is seen, acknowledged, and validated by the child as something that can be repeated.

A world of negativity is swirling around the  weakest students and taking away the light that they need to bring into school. When we fall into the trap of thinking everyone can bootstrap their way out of hate, misery, and negativity, we forget to focus on rewarding the positive and participating in the ongoing need to collaborate and communicate with those different from ourselves.

As a national community, I also hope that we'll soon figure out that it is better to spend money on kids than prisons. As a local community, I hope we'll soon recognize that we are in it for better or worse as a group. Thinning the herd is asking for more problems as a society.

In Japan, I went to school observation days where one teacher worked with thirty-five to forty first, second, or third grade students. There were moments when the students were wild, but the teacher, instead of leaving the classroom and taking the child to the front office, ignored or redirected the child one on one, meaning that the teacher walked over to the child and quietly pointed them back to their seat while staying on message to the class. Students in Japan are given increasing amounts of responsibilities as they go up in grades. For example, first graders spent fifteen minutes every morning without a teacher present organizing themselves around a daily task and assignment. Americans often think that the Japanese children surely were self-disciplined. I assure you they are not, but they are given opportunities daily to practice consistent behaviors and communication consistently focuses on keeping them as a part of the group. When we focus on consequences and rules, we forget that the real focus should be on learning and participating.

Students, teachers, parents and administrators have to be willing to learn from and to listen to each other. We might need to consider different ways of working together. Sometimes, we will try things that work. Sometimes, the things we try won't work. The point is to keep trying. It helps if we standardize our expectations, stay on message, focus on the learning process, collaborate across disciplines, communicate in ways that are positive and inclusive, and, importantly, to recognize that it is an ongoing process. When people opt to check out of the system, they leave behind the weak, but they don't leave them forever, they will still be there and their needs will still need to be addressed. 

As the school year closes, we should be asking, "What did you enjoy learning (teaching) this year?" "Are you eager to come back next year?" These are some of the metrics that reveal if we have focused on the learning process or rewarded students for participating in school. When we value all of the children in the room, we do it by asking for more collaboration, not less.

Rats at COSI play basketball thanks to positive reinforcement and conditioning.


Saturday, March 1, 2014

Ivan Ramen

One morning I heard my husband, the late riser, laughing in bed. He had happened upon a funny video that combined a harsh Long Island Jewish guy with a double shio ramen from Japan. I posted the video to my Facebook page, and a Japanese friend asked, "Is it true story of this guy?" Turns out, he is real. He's a chef, a Japanophile, he has ramen shops in Japan and New York, and he has a new cookbook! The mystery of ramen is revealed in Ivan Ramen a new memoir and cookbook by Ivan Orkin.

This is not about styrofoam cups of instant ramen or dry bricks with the "flavor packet" one finds at the grocery store. This kind of ramen is about layers of flavor, hours of labor, and the magical experience of slurping (and you must slurp in air and thus make noise in order to eat) the hot broth and noodles. His ramen is a double shio salt ramen made with two kinds of stock which is my absolute favorite!

Five years of eating ramen noodles in Japan puts my authenticity button into the ozone. I'm a noodle snob. This book is the closest I've come to comprehending the scoops, techniques, and composition that go into making a bowl of ramen like those found in Japan. It's a rare book that captures what it is to eat ramen. It explains in fascinating detail the evolution, the who's who, and how to not only prepare, but eat ramen-- you must slurp the hot and the fat from a bowl of ramen into your mouth, and yes, it may dribble on your chin. 

Recipes for each component of the ramen he serves are included: chicken fat, pork fat, shio tare salt seasoning, sofrito aromatic vegetable base, katsuobushi seasoned salt, double soup stock, toasted rye noodles, menma cured bamboo shoots, chashu braised pork belly, and the beloved in Japan half-cooked egg. His story about how he got to this point in life, in the kitchen, and in the dual locations of New York and Japan are shared in a warm open hearted way that contrast with his sharp city demeanor on display in the video.

Ivan Orkin is a Culinary Institute of America in New York graduate and chef who brings careful attention to a food he loves. His ramen is prepared with the exacting standards he utilized in kitchens like Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill and the famous French restaurant Lutèce in Manhattan. He explains how to make ramen at home, but you will need great ingredients, lots of time, a weight scale, and a thermometer.

I could kiss his toes for writing this book and giving me the hope that someday I can create a bowl of ramen worthy of the ones I ate in Japan, but in my own kitchen here in the hills of Ohio.

Let the noodling begin!

Ivan Ramen

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Art, Film, & Diet

In the film 2001: A Space Odyssey, apes go from picking bugs off of each other and pulling at weeds to playing with bones and meat eating. With the appearance of a black monolith and the eery alignment of the moon, earth, and sun, evolution shifts. The story moves to twirling spacecraft dancing to waltz music from the moon to a computer controlled mission to Jupiter. The men are better looking and the tool is now a HAL 9000 computer with feelings. The film started the career trajectory of the then seventeen year old John Gurche, a paleo-artist and speaker at the Science on Screen program at the Athena Cinema last night.

John Gurche got my attention with an image of brains— white brains models on white paper (image not available)-- as they evolved one after the other and grew in size dramatically. His comment about what got the humanoid brains doubling is diet related. Look at the big brains on homo sapien and thank protein and fat.

His intriguing perspective on 2001: Considering how far we've come, what will the next step in evolution look like?


John Gurche’s work has appeared on magazine covers for National Geographic, Discover, and Natural History. His work can be seen at the Smithsonian, the Field Museum, and the American Museum of Natural History as well as others. His work has appeared in the film Jurassic Park. His new book is Shaping Humanity: How Science, Art, and Imagination Help Us Understand Our Origins.

Friday, February 21, 2014

The Bread Diet & a Bun Recipe


I chuckled over a Facebook post about the number of loaves of bread to buy for a snow storm partly because though I think of going out for milk, toilet paper, and salt, I don’t think about buying bread. We make it at home because finding a decent loaf of bread in the States is difficult. The transition of where foods are prepared, from home to industrial food processors, means that the way food is valued, made, stored, and shipped has also changed.

Bread is about shelf life, not taste, in the States.

Despite having been the staff of life for thousands of years, bread's reputation has lost its luster in part due to the rise of gluten intolerance. Please note that the industrialization of bread baking with its reduced fermentation times has been noted to play a part in the increased prevalence of gluten intolerance. It’s therefore not merely the fault of gluten but also the quick fermentation and industrial processing that need to be avoided.


Last Thanksgiving while slicing up cheap white sandwich bread for stuffing, my husband noticed an odor emitting from the loaves. After seven years of making our own bread or buying sandwich bread from a baker in Japan, it was a revelation to then handle processed bread. It stinks.

On a recent morning, coming down the stairs, I spied the step ladder in front of open pantry doors. Flour coated the kitchen counter and floor. A bowl of barely mixed dough was sitting in front of my beaming child. Despite my frustration with the mess, I help him cover the dough and clean up while sharing in his delight for having just created something.

This child often rises with the sun in a cheerful manner and sometimes begins unsupervised projects like making bread dough. I’m not sure exactly what posses him, but his bread concoctions are amazingly good. He uses all-purpose flour with a high protein content and instant yeast because that is what is accessible in the pantry. (The long acting yeast is in our fridge and he’s yet to use it.) I tend to let the dough sit around all day, sometimes overnight, and then shape it right before he comes home from school because of course he wants to see if it turned into something. We bake it and voilà, it’s always tasty, moist, and somedays it even has lovely holes, think of the no knead bread method. I’ve decided that part of his bread’s success lies in the long fermentation process and the beauty of playing with food.

In these parts of Ohio, the vegan (CHIP) diet is heavily pushed. However, there are still plenty of us around who eat a few animal products and like our bread to contain gluten. I eat plenty of vegetarian fare, but I have an intense dislike of faux food or food that is vegan but is supposed to taste like meat or something else. I prefer eating foods that are what they are, and processed whatever food is usually not so good for you anyway.

When I worked as a cardiac nurse, I asked patients and their families about their diet. Americans eat too much processed food. It’s one of the reasons I learned to cook real food. It’s also the reason I eat butter, bread, full fat yogurt, and drink whole milk— it’s real food. I’ve also noted that people the world over who eat and cook what they like in reasonable amounts and that exercise to some degree are not always on a (calories restricted) diet. For the love of food, eat the real stuff and get it locally. If I was  dishing out diet advice, I would say consider this from Michael Pollan’s In Defense of Food, “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” I might add that wheat is a plant.

Do you remember the National Geographic article about longevity and diet that highlighted the blue zones where people lived for a long time which included the Sardinians, Okinawans, and the Seventh-day Adventists of Loma Linda, California? They ate diets that included bread, cheese, meat, and small amounts of alcohol along with the vegan and vegetarian fare. A National Geographic researcher, Dan Buettner, commented on blue zone diets in a later interview, saying, “Hanging out with unhappy people who drink and smoke is hazardous to your health.” My point here is that bread and cheese can be part of a healthy diet (and it helps to socialize and be part of a community).

Recently, I've been reading Pickled, Potted, and Canned: How the  Art and Science of Food Preserving Changed the World by Sue Shepard. I was shocked in the preface to read that in 1800 archaeologist in Egypt were eating honey thousands of years old until they found some hairs in it and then the perfectly preserved body of a small baby. Apparently honey keeps almost indefinitely and gives self-preserving new meaning.

The book is full of interesting bits on the competitive food chain— “if we don’t quickly take advantage of a food, something else will.” The history on the ways that this has been done is quite interesting. Think of travelers, refugees, soldiers, sailors, and long winters with no food and add to that the myriad locations around the world with varying conditions, food stuffs, and learning curves. The fermentation process and ingredients like vinegar, salt, honey, and sugar were found to transform perishable food stuff into storable and transportable foods like crackers, breads, cheeses, yogurts, and wines. It’s kind of interesting to realize that butter and yogurt weren’t about being healthy or unhealthy but about putting food by for another day.

Our industrious forebearers found that fermentation can make inedible foods edible. The Sudanese love of rotten meat evolved in a region plagued with food scarcity and benefits those that consume every last calorie available to them. Fermentation gives us cultural icons that are now eaten throughout the world— German saurkraut, Vietnamese fish sauce nuoc mam, katsuobushi and miso from Japan, thousand year old eggs from China, Korean kimchi, and even bread.  Allowing yeast to ferment is part of what makes gluten digestible.

If an eight year old boy can come downstairs and mix up a bowl of dough that turns into a delicious bread, so can you. Here's a recipe for buns that are delish. Put some jam on it. Live a little. Eat bread, but make it yourself.


Buns for Breakfast or Burgers
Make 8 to 12
These breakfast buns work with or without a burger. I adapted a recipe from the online The Bakers Circle hosted by King Arthur flour.

Ingredients
Whole Wheat flour, 2/3 cup
Bread flour 2 1/3 cup
Sugar, 1/4 cup
Salt, 1 1/4 tsp
Warm Water, 1 cup
Yeast (regular), 1 Tbsp
Egg, 1 large
Butter, 2 Tbsp melted & slightly cooled + 3 Tbsp for topping


Directions

  1. In a mixing bowl, whisk together whole wheat flour, bread flour, sugar, and salt.
  2. Melt 2 Tbsp of butter butter and set aside to cool slightly.
  3. In another mixing bowl, whisk together 1 cup of the flour mix, warm water, and yeast until smooth and shiny, about 1 minute.
  4. Add the egg and slightly cooled butter to the mixture and whisk again until smooth and shiny, about 1 minute.
  5. In a standing mixer fitted with a dough hook or by hand, add the remaining flour mixture to the dough mix and knead until smooth and elastic, about 10 minutes. Add additional bread flour as needed if extremely sticky, should just be tacky.
  6. Cover the dough, and allow to rise until doubled in bulk, about 1 to 2 hours.
  7. Gently deflate the dough, divide into 8 to 12 pieces (8 for burger size; 12 for bun size, 24 for slider size). Shape each piece into a round ball; flatten to about 3-inches across. Place the buns on a silicon sheet or parchment-lined baking sheet. Cover and let rise until noticeably puffy, about 1 hour.
  8. Brush buns with half of the additional melted butter. Bake 375ºF until golden, about 15 to 18 minutes, Remove from the oven and brush with the remaining melted butter.




Monday, February 3, 2014

5 Food Stories I Never Want to Hear Again!

1. Ten foods to Avoid
2. Gluten Free Baguettes
3. Fat Free Whipping Cream
4. Belly Fat Sparing Meat Substitue
5. Low Carb Anything

"Good for your skin," said my Japanese friend encouragingly as she dug into a bowl of motsu, a dish made of pork guts, offal. I stared in disbelief. With nearly every dish, the connection between food and body was established during my time in Japan with quips like, "Good for your liver!" Prescriptive eating suggestions abound in other cultures except in the States where the eater is more often encouraged to avoid foods. "No fat!" "No white foods!" "No gluten!" "10 Worst Foods Ever!" It's amazing there is anything left to eat here, but then it's just the one thing. The grapefruit diet! Cabbage soup! Kale! All or nothing.

Food choices matter whether in the form of waste created or demand for a limited resource. Think of over developed chicken breasts throwing chickens off balance or overfishing shark to feed the appetite for shark fin soup.

The environment is shaped by our food choices-- hog shit geysers spewing forth at factory farms, fertilizers laying waste the water supply in an effort to squeeze ever more yield from crops, genetically modified seeds that have to be purchased every time (no seed saving), grain feed and some extra protein (sometimes parts of the same animal) for animals that for thousands of years have eaten only grass, antibiotics indiscriminately added to animal feed. The list goes on.

Food choices reflect seasons, celebrations, necessity, hunger, and even presence-- because it's there. We also choose foods because they give us a sense of power and control or prestige or because they comfort us. So often the discussion of what ails us is about avoiding foods which also avoids the conversation about what we really need to control (stress, problems, work, kids, relationships, family, etc.).

In 2007 prior to departing for Japan, laying about in the heat of the Ohio summer in my in-law's guest room feeling rootless and uncertain about the impending move, I read Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life. I laughed myself silly over her turkeys that could not fathom how to procreate. We have drifted so far from understanding food that even animals struggle with how to be animals without models for behavior.

I long to hear things framed positively like, "eat chocolate, it heals," or "risotto is good for stress." Instead, I'll settle for stories that encourage the consumption of the whole, real, and local food.

Buy