Friday, October 22, 2010

The Speed of Life

Maybe it is having kids, they grow physically so much that you really begin to notice the passage of time. The kids mature and develop new abilities which also makes me aware of change. Every once in a while I slow down enough to notice. Sometimes I feel like, to borrow from Star Trek, I am living at warped speed. I'd prefer the slow boat to China.

Warped speed is making me feel worn out and not on top of my day. My favorite days are when I have several hours at home to do things around the house before I go out even if its something fun. Maybe if I got up at 4 am this would work on a daily basis, but for now I am lucky if it happens once or twice a week. Sometimes I wonder if I am so different from everyone else. It strikes me that everyone else seems happy to do stuff and have things to go to everyday. Maybe I am wrong, it is just how it seems.

The thought to consider is more along the lines that I need more quiet time so I should honor this by managing my schedule better. All those future events seem fine in the planning phase, but then when the actual day dawns the reality seems more difficult- a kiddo is sick, someone is over sleeping, there is no milk, there is a problem with something. My husband often tells me that no one has it easy- it is all a delusion. I guess we are all carrying around our sack of rocks. We lug them up and down mountains refusing to let go of them despite their size and weight thinking we need the sack of rocks. I see some friends carrying their sack of rock so gracefully, so effortlessly, and so happily. I admire that. I often get mired in my whining. I hope to transcend this someday. I respect those abilities.

I like sitting here thinking of these things. I don't sit enough. I don't let things be enough. I like just sitting here. Life feels a bit slower when I do this and it is nice.