Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Walking Through Open Doors

His problems are my problems because we’re connected. I push; he resists. I give; he takes and wants more. He gives; I take and want more. Some how in this dance of life, we are stepping on each others toes. He reflects my emotions, and sometimes it’s as if we’re trapped in a house of mirrors where everything is distorted. I am his mother, and what I think of as normal, he does not.

You have to learn how to walk through open doors. I push, cajole, get mad, demand, and get irate that the kid won’t go through the door. Seriously, I get that this is not effective, but I’m still struggling to understand how it is that I’m standing at the threshold trying to force the kid into the world. The harder I push the less happy I feel with myself and yet it’s what comes to me in those moments of, “it’s time to go.”

I want a softer way. I have a sensitive kid that needs to make mistakes without fear. His threshold differs from mine which is where I keep struggling. You have to feel safe to be willing to make mistakes. When I press him to try, he turns inward and goes to an unreachable place. While I struggle with the why, the real question is how do I gently coax and positively persuade?

For starters, I’d have to ease up on myself and, maybe, learn to quit on a good note.